Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Little Tiny Pencil Nubs...

Little tiny pencil nubs, oh the things that you have drawn. You have filled the void with color and life, taken pieces of my children’s imaginations and made them real. So worn down and so little is left of you, but you are beautiful to me and I will treasure you always.

I keep you in your special little bag and I pull you out to look at you every now and then to be reminded of all you have helped to create. I marvel at your simplicity, and the wonderful drawings, that held in the hand of my little creators, you have brought to life. I can’t help but be amazed at how this tiny little tool, held in the proper little hands, creates magic, humor, life and hope. There is no end to imagination, once opened up it is like a Pandora’s box, and once flowing it just keeps going.

At some point I became too old for my imagination, in order to be like everyone else I decided it would be best to set it aside on a shelf. And it got all kinds of dusty. But now, it seems as though God has His feather duster, which is an odd picture in itself, and is cleaning it off for me and helping me to find where I have hidden it in this closet of my life.

A few years ago I decided to listen to God and stop trying to drill letters and words into my Samuel so he would begin to finally speak, all it would do was frustrate and overwhelm him, and make us both feel horrible. I decided to listen to what God was saying to me and started encouraging Samuel’s artwork instead of his letters and words. Samuel has autism, and up until two months ago, you could rarely coax words out of him, but now, he has A LOT! Just last week he greeted a little boy for the first time, saying “Hi” and looking straight into his eyes, not common for autism. First time ever!

Last night we went to get groceries at Walmart and there is a special lady there named Linda, she is a greeter, and she took a liking to our Sammy right away. You see people have one of three reactions when they see my son and observe his behavior and how he sounds, even though he is extremely well behaved for a child with autism, people still don’t understand his differences. They either have a shock of anger flash across their face, something like “how dare those parents let their child behave in such a manner!” They simply are overwhelmed by him and don’t know what to do so they quickly look away. Or they fall in love with my Sammy and decide that no matter what it takes to reach this little guy they are going to try because he is an amazing and beautiful child who deserves kindness from strangers. You would be amazed at how RARELY we come across the latter. It breaks my heart most of the time, but I have learned to ignore the people that don’t like my Sammy, I love him enough to make up for that.

Linda is a very special woman, she has a grandson who has autism, so the first time she met Sammy, and uncovered him from his Veggie Tales blanket to see who was under there, she didn’t mind when the first thing he did was reach to feel her soft skin and smell what it was like to be a Linda. She smiled when he did that and she knew he was trying to connect with her. Every time we go into the store, she stops what she is doing and talks to us for as long as we want on our way in and on our way out. Linda is an angel in my eyes, and I am crying as I write this because she has touched my heart in such an amazing way through her kindness to my child, that so many in this world choose to ignore and be put off by. What happened to us as a people and when did we stop believing in each other and the value of life?!? Last night he said “Hi” to Linda and he TALKED with her and repeated all the words she was saying. And when we were leaving, he said “Goodbye” and waved! I can’t tell you what it did to my heart, it seemed to start beating in a brand new way, there was such joy and such hope in that moment that maybe like the Grinch’s heart, mine “grew three sizes that day!”

Samuel has had an explosion of language these past two months, I can talk to him and get answers from him now, and that is just the very best thing I can ever imagine. I let go of my plan to get Sammy talking two years ago, and I encouraged the plan that God was laying out before me, to encourage Samuel’s artwork and his drawing. His art has come a LONG way and the difference from a picture he drew a year and a half ago and today are just amazing. I will find a way to post the pictures on here so you can see them. I can’t even begin to find the right words to thank God with, they fail me greatly at this moment. I am so thankful I listened to what He was telling me Sammy needed, and realized I need to listen to Him much more on what He is telling me I need.

Two months ago I began working on having a thankful heart and praising God for EVERY single detail and every single thing that has happened in my life, good or bad, and He has released me from years of pain in just days!!! If you would like to read the article it is posted on here and it is entitled “A Merry Heart.” It has all the specifics, but I can see so very clearly now as I am obedient to God and thanking Him for all that is in my life and a part of me, well He is just pouring that back out over me in blessings and it is so wonderfully and freshly overwhelming! There is joy in my spirit now that I can barely contain, and I am writing once again, something I have struggled to do for years, but now I just want to pour my heart out and it happens to come through best in typed words. If people like it, great, if they hate it, great! I don’t mind if someone doesn’t like my work anymore, and there is such freedom in that. So Praise God, He is so amazing and so awesome! I can’t wait to see what He does next!

These tiny little pencil nubs have literally drawn their way right into my heart, through obedience to God, He has opened limitless possibilities that only months ago seemed impossible. Hopefully now you understand why such a silly thing as little worn down nubs of pencils could hold such importance. They have done much more than just been a colorful key to open something that had been locked for so long in my life, but they have helped a little boy become more social and begin to understand a world he never could grasp until now, so to put it lightly, I am forever grateful to God...

The above is a picture Samuel drew a year and a half ago of his beloved Veggie Tales characters, Larry and Bob! You see he has trouble staying inside the lines, and I remember it was difficult for him to even draw faces.

This is a picture he did last month, he has moved on to drawing cartoons, and each one of the boxes has an activity in it. Jr. Asparagus was very proud of the picture he drew in the first block, then the tree that was there threw a ball and hit Jr's. hat and knocked it off. In the original drawing that he cut to use for pieces, he likes to cut them out and reenact the scenes on the table. Anyways that block that is empty had Jr. with a big knife and he was chopping down the tree. :o) In each of the other blocks the veggies are very proud of the pictures they have drawn and in the last block, he was trying to write Big Idea, something he can do now today! Such progress, so glad I let go and let God.


  1. I love hearing stories about Sam. I love each of my nephews and nieces the same amount, but I have had a special kind of love for Sammy. I never knew why, but that didn't matter to me. I am very proud of the progress that he has made and continues to make.


  2. Thank you Sister, that is very special to hear! I am glad you enjoyed it! And I totally understand, I know having a different connection doesn't mean more or less love. :o) Love you!!