Monday, May 6, 2013

Sakura, New Beginnings Take Flight...

The warm breeze soothes my soul; lifting every scent from the wild flowers, moss, ferns, bark, and trees, up to delight and pleasure my senses.  The butterflies join the menagerie, fluttering sweetly in the breeze, lifting, floating; feeding gently on the food the warmth of the day brings to the skies.  They drift mesmerizingly up to the light filtering through the tree tops and branches, creating a melody of color in the sky…

The river adds it’s rhythm and dances across the rocks, rushing and flying on white wings twirling and ever entwining, with speed and accuracy to where it desires to rest and swirl before it takes rise once again and rushes through to the beyond.   The voice in the melody sings clear and pure; it sings of a past,  a present, and the unknown, as it giggles and rushes off to join eternity….

Each step my foot takes on the path forwards is another door closing, another window opening.  I move to remember, I move to forget, I move to find truth and passion from deep within.   If I quiet the struggle within; I can see beauty, I can feel peace, I can remember what it is to dream again...

But how do I quiet the fight within me, I seem to have a worthy opponent, a foe that is very much matched to me in every wit, strength, skill and weakness.  I fight, I struggle, I toil, I fester and rot in anger, I can’t get ahead and can’t break away…  Then the light comes in and I see I am fighting with myself alone, no one else…  The reason I can’t win is because I know me all too well, and I won’t allow that, I am stronger than that…

The truth that I seek is this: Nobody and I mean nobody but me decides who I am or how I feel, unless I allow them to.  I am me, the only one there will ever be, whether I like it or not, it is time to move on and stop toiling in mindless tail chasing from fears, and lies spoken into me…  The pain from the past.  I decide who I am today and I decide how I feel each and every moment of the day, this is a glorious and noble gift truly wondrous to behold…

So do YOU behold each day, or are YOU held in the lies and fears of others thoughts regarding you…  Break away…  Dare to flutter up high into the tree tops where the light filters in so peacefully.   Soar with the light, merge with the light, you alone can decide how you want to feel, so decide, make up your mind, and then take flight….

After all, YOU are exactly what you believe…

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Angel's Cry Out...

I open my mouth,
I tip my head to the sky.
Angel’s cry out,
overhead I hear them fly.

The sky darkens,
the witches fall…
To the depths with their brooms,
then up again tall.

Words fail this mouth,
they turn to sand and pour out.
My heart is only broken,
but it screams, shrieks and shouts.

JUSTICE I plead,
fist shaking in the air.
Anger fills my vision,
dark clouds enveloping my hair.

The questions,
the fears,
they tumble about inside.
I fought until I had no fight left,
 I will no longer run and hide.

You stand tall, seemingly proud over my shadow,
How dare you step into it.

Step up or step off,
I think this once I choose off…

You fear my light,
but I KNOW of your dark.

I am fearful no more,
the winds at this height whip and lash at me,
as I fall silently,
into your darkness…

I will weep no more,
and you will not quench this light...

Sunday, April 14, 2013

What if...

What if …

What if you are the one, the only one who can un-break this heart…

What if you are the only one to help me remember what it is to smile again…

What if you are the only one to teach me to trust again, to hold a hand..

What if you are the only one to walk beside me and just be there…

What if you are the only one to speak the words my heart is dying to hear…

What if you are the only one to remind me of my beauty…

What if you are the only one that can dry this endless flood of tears...

What if you are the only one to remind me of my wings, to unfetter them so I can once again fly…

What if you are the only one who holds the key to this locked castle in my heart, so cold and austere…

What if you are the only answer to my endless questions…

What if you are the only medicine to help fight this chronic pain…

What if you are the only one to speak life into this dying soul…

What if you are the only one to restore my rhythm so I might dance once again, radiant and proud…

What if you are the only one to help me hear the birdsong, so sweet and refined…

What if you are the only one that is the other half to my empty whole…

What if you are the only one to hold me when I cry and the days turn cold…

What if you are the only one to pass me by today and offer a smile…

What if you are the only one to see me for who I truly am..

What if you are the only one that is truly you,

and all the things that you do or don’t,

you can’t undo…

What if it all really mattered…

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Links to songs posted on you tube

I have a handful of songs I have written and posted on you tube, feel free to check them out.  They are rough drafts, still a long way to go and most of my music I write primarily from my piano and it is not recorded yet, so a work in progress, but fun.  :)

Sunday, April 7, 2013

I am the Rainbow...

My heart was broken long ago
but it still beats
the ribs around it form a cage.

My heart is a bird
it was once free and happy
full of life and joy.

Now it is broken,
shoved inside a cold steel cage
trapped in pain and solitude.

If I could but stretch my wings out once more and remember
I am a beautiful creature...
not that bloodied mangled corpse
rotting in the cage...

Oh I remember I was once all the beautiful colors of the rainbow...

The vibrant Reds poured forth like lava
flowing with passion,
pouring out
showing my vigor, love for life,
I was covered in a warm flow of Red...

The Orange burst forth from me like the sun,
I burned Orange.

The sweet glow of Yellow poured out from within
the traces of golden daffodils,
their scent radiating from within
and the beautiful golden yellow of every sunrise and sunset.
I spun Yellow...

The Emerald Green sang from my heart
a love so deep
and whole.
I exuded Emerald...

The Azure Blue was from the bluest of skies,
those gorgeous blue skies that wash away every memory of grey ones
bringing instead choruses of birdsong.
I sang Azure blue, clear and true...

I danced an Indigo as dark as the night
as sweet and comforting as the moon
I shone through vibration.
I danced Indigo...

I shone purple, gold, and white
all around my head like a crown of magnificent hair
so healthy
so alive
so seductive.
I radiated purple nobility,,,

I knew my law then
I knew it well
all the borders,
lakes and rivers...

I was so many beautiful colors
they were braided about me
weaving through my aura.

The dark knights stripped me bare of my beautiful colors,
they defiled me to the point of deletion...
my colors trailed off slowly
bit by bit
into the night's breeze
where they could be kept safe...

I call them back now
by remembrance
I call them back by name
like beautiful long lost loves,
like children they gather around me
anxious to meet again
their flying colors intertwining with me once more.

I remember...
I call them back...
I forget them no more...

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Heartaches Visit

He showed up at my door one day,
beaten, tattered and worn through.
I invited him in to stay a while,
to catch his breath, to regroup.

I mended his clothing,
I fed him wholesome food,
I showed him love...

The pain I saw in those eyes,
was deeper than the sea.
I wanted to help.

The seconds became minutes,
the minutes came hours,
the hours came days,
the days came months,
the months came years.
I am not sure how long he stayed in all.

At first it was awkward to have him there,
but soon it was my daily routine.
I would awaken to find Grief and Heartache waiting for me beside my bed,
I would put them on like clothes almost,
take him with me wherever I went.

I thought I was helping him,
but I wasn't.
What I did do
was open my heart to his pain,
and the flood was relentless.

I didn't take away his pain,
I certainly didn't fix it for him.
But I made him comfortable in front of my hearth daily as I warmed him,
and continued to feed and clothe him.

I told myself in time he would see the true sacrifice I made,
and he would love me
cherishing me for the fight I endured on his behalf.
I probably don't have to tell you that isn't how it worked at all.

Heartache and Grief they have discolored love,
it gives the appearance of real love
sometimes even feels like a faint memory of it,
but it isn't.

Daily I was drained by him,
daily I would submit to his ways,
daily I went about in a fog...

Until all at once the fog lifted,
I began to see him for what he truly was,
and the echoes of joy I had felt in his presence
they weren't real at all,
just traces of my broken dreams.

I realize I have wasted years
toiling in insanity,
doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting different results.

So I sent my visitor packing,
I sent him on his way.
I told him he had to leave,
even though my heart oddly longed for him to stay

In those years of confusion,
I lost sight of who I truly am.
Never having a chance to truly discover it before,
can I truly turn away the next visitor that knocks at my door?

Friday, March 22, 2013

No Man's Land...

I have to wake up.
This dream has become a confusing reality and I desperately need to awaken...

I tell my legs to move,
I instruct my arms to do the same,
they oblige...

But my heart is another matter all together, it won't budge...
It is the biggest mountain of a rock on this green earth of my soul and I can't do anything with it.

I feel trapped...
frozen in the ice of it's highest summit where no human has yet dared to go and claim...

Who do I wait for to claim these icy, frigid waters at it's base...
the depth of which seem to carry on forever.

Who do I wait for, and why am I certain that I am not a worthy quest and that no one's actually coming...

The pain freezes me in silence...
the winds are bitterly unbearable at this height...
how do I expect any human to ever break through this barrier of pain...

Even if they do have the skills they lack determination, or visa verse..

I am weary of always being strong...
i want to be weak.

My body cries out for weakness...
but the cold solidity of my imposed and accepted strengths,
keeps me frigid...

I wish to simply dissolve...
yet what I really need is to rise up.
Even if I am bone weary of rising up one more single time...
but the single time always becomes again...  and again...  and again...  and again...

I rise up...
I step forward.
I choose to see the light,
or I choose the empty comfort of the dark pain...

This I do know, weeping may endure for the night,
but I can always find joy in the morning:  light... joy...  hope... and strength...

If I am crying tonight,
it just means I am emptying my cup, that was once again too full.
Tomorrow will bring, as it always has,
a fresh outpouring to suffice me for the day.

so I hold on, and then breathe in deeply that fresh morning light.
after all, what else is there to do when you have an awakening...