Thursday, December 22, 2011

I choose my Destiny

I choose my destiny… Though I have often wished God would do it for me, instead I choose…

I am an amazingly resilient creation, fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I can shape my future, none other of God’s creations on this earth can make that claim. I am one of his most treasured creations, fashioned in His image.
"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings, and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet; all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!" Psalm 8:3-9

Even though my emotional extremes sometimes infuriate me, they are in fact quite amazing… Even though heartache can consume, love can overcome. What if I could harness this power and use all of it for God’s glory? What if I could calmly and completely control my emotions at all times, and use it all for God’s glory, His goodness. So I learn to meditate...

He tells me to rend my heart, (Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Joel 2:13) not my garments, so I search my heart…

He heals… He cleanses, through weeping and groaning’s of the heart. He heals, even the deepest of hurts. My deepest, darkest caverns are but a speck of sand to Him. If I surrender them to Him completely, holding nothing back, knowing my human frailty and that circumstances are often very much out of my control, He will and He does cleanse me and make me whole. I cannot change anybody else, and the good thing is, He hasn’t ever asked me to, He is only interested in my heart... He knows the desires and intentions of my heart better than I do myself, because He fashioned me just so.

The next step in the process of healing is to praise Him, actually the more the better, but this took some time for me to get used to doing, I have always had trouble distinguishing between bragging, and giving God praise, but not anymore…
“He is the one you praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.” Deuteronomy 10:21
So I praise Him, I praise Him for the marvelous works in my life, and I even praise Him for the things I feel I can’t bear the pain from in my life, His name is to be praised no matter what the circumstance. I praise… I sing… I hope…

He fills… He enters into every part of my being, that I will allow Him to. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Revelation 3:20
And this isn’t just any dinner we have, no it is a banquet, it is a feast full of God’s goodness. Now I understand that He will never make me do anything I am unwilling to do, I simply have to surrender circumstances to Him completely, with no abandon, no worries, no fear, and really, it brings great peace in my heart because how long have I struggled trying to do this all on my own, worrying about finances, children, siblings, whatever. Satan loves to distract us with worry and fear, but I say no more, I am done being distracted by fear, I trade it for the peace of mind that only God can give.

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

There is no room for fear or doubt, or worry, not even a little bit of wiggle room. It is all or nothing, because I am done being lukewarm. He is not waiting around to punish me for what I have done, He already knows. If I slip up, it is okay. If I fail, then I try again or see if God is redirecting me, it really is all that simple. Satan loves to get me worried about trying and failing, so most of the time I never even try. I have these dreams piled up inside of me because I am afraid to try and fail, and what the world will think of me if I do. Who cares! Who am I living for anyways, certainly not for this world. If I slip up, He corrects, He comforts, He heals, and He fills. He convicts me where I need to change as a loving parent corrects a child in a behavior that is harmful to them. Fear and shame are far from me now, I feel like a sparkly clean shell just washed up onto the sandy shore. Bathed, tossed, tenderized in His love.

I am now simply done living my life for others. I serve no man. My judge is supreme and He really is the only one I am interested in getting an opinion from for how to live my life. Seriously, when I am plugged into God, I stop looking at others and judging them by projecting my fears and failures onto them. I become content with myself, which up until about a year ago was not even close to how I felt. How can I reach out to others when I am too broken to offer anything but pain? How can others see Christ’s healing power in me, when I am afraid to allow His healing power to work in me and bring healing to so much brokenness? It isn’t easy to have light pouring into the darkness, but it feels so much better once it does.

Instead now I choose Christ, I cast all my cares on Him for his yoke is easy and his burden is light. (Matthew 11:30) I choose to let Him carry every concern for me, and I praise Him for doing so and then simply rest in the peace that He provides, knowing He has it all under control. I choose this darling Savior who came to us in a manger, a feed trough. The Son of God in all His glory, wrapped in humanity and frailty, came to us so He could claim the keys of death from Satan, to give us eternal life.

I have believed in God as far back as I remember and accepted Him into my heart when I was 5 years old, yet these verses are somehow new to me… How does He do that, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, yet continually refreshing like a spring of water.

God is my refuge, an ever present help in trouble. Tucked into a little harbor of safety in my heart, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Strength to start another day. Strength to try again. It is His joy that is my strength, and I pray it is yours today as well…

Friday, September 23, 2011

The Turn of Fall

Raindrops pouring down, cleansing my heart and soul.
Majestic mountains with their fog wrapped up around themselves like cozy warm blankets for those cool, crisp mornings.
Raindrops so light they are almost a constant mist dancing off of everything they land on. A splash, a dance, an encore. More come, following the first act, watering the parched earth, changing the world.
As Summer steps out, sweet beautiful Autumn breezes in. She saunters down the aisle, beginning the procession slowly with cooler weather, and then she takes full command and marches rapidly in as the days grow shorter. The nights grow longer, and animals ensure their homes are prepared for winter.
She brings peace, she brings tranquility to the land. She says "Dear flowers take a rest, you can stop blooming, I will handle this." Instead of the flowers holding their brilliant petals filled with color, the trees for once, get a chance to shine and glimmer. Warm honey golden yellows, bright oranges, blood crimson reds, all entertwined to create a twirling masterpiece of color.
The world seems to sigh in resignation as it reaches out to embrace Autumn, not quite content to bid the long days of Summer farewell. Come, Autumn breeze, blow through this earth, help the trees shed their leaves, a brilliant show of colors to rest in.