tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14704981020058161192024-03-14T01:09:45.517-07:00The Nurtured HeartUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-27151006548122462682013-05-06T12:16:00.001-07:002013-05-06T12:16:12.609-07:00Sakura, New Beginnings Take Flight...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
The warm breeze soothes my soul; lifting every scent from
the wild flowers, moss, ferns, bark, and trees, up to delight and pleasure my
senses. The butterflies join the
menagerie, fluttering sweetly in the breeze, lifting, floating; feeding gently
on the food the warmth of the day brings to the skies. They drift mesmerizingly up to the light
filtering through the tree tops and branches, creating a melody of color in the
sky…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The river adds it’s rhythm and dances across the rocks,
rushing and flying on white wings twirling and ever entwining, with speed and
accuracy to where it desires to rest and swirl before it takes rise once again
and rushes through to the beyond. The
voice in the melody sings clear and pure; it sings of a past, a present, and the unknown, as it giggles and
rushes off to join eternity….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each step my foot takes on the path forwards is another door
closing, another window opening. I move
to remember, I move to forget, I move to find truth and passion from deep
within. If I quiet the struggle within;
I can see beauty, I can feel peace, I can remember what it is to dream again...
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But how do I quiet
the fight within me, I seem to have a worthy opponent, a foe that is very much
matched to me in every wit, strength, skill and weakness. I fight, I struggle, I toil, I fester and rot
in anger, I can’t get ahead and can’t break away… Then the light comes in and I see I am
fighting with myself alone, no one else…
The reason I can’t win is because I know me all too well, and I won’t
allow that, I am stronger than that…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The truth that I seek is this: Nobody and I mean nobody but
me decides who I am or how I feel, unless I allow them to. I am me, the only one there will ever be,
whether I like it or not, it is time to move on and stop toiling in mindless
tail chasing from fears, and lies spoken into me… The pain from the past. I decide who I am today and I decide how I
feel each and every moment of the day, this is a glorious and noble gift truly
wondrous to behold…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So do YOU behold each day, or are YOU held in the lies and
fears of others thoughts regarding you…
Break away… Dare to flutter up
high into the tree tops where the light filters in so peacefully. Soar with the light, merge with the light,
you alone can decide how you want to feel, so decide, make up your mind, and
then take flight….<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After all, YOU are exactly what you believe…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-45829698028563788282013-04-20T09:28:00.002-07:002013-04-20T09:28:17.360-07:00Angel's Cry Out...<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I open my mouth,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I tip my head to the sky.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Angel’s cry out,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
overhead I hear them fly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The sky darkens,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the witches fall…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To the depths with their brooms,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
then up again tall.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Words fail this mouth,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
they turn to sand and pour out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart is only broken,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but it screams, shrieks and
shouts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
JUSTICE I plead,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
fist shaking in the air.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anger fills my vision,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
dark clouds enveloping my hair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The questions, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the fears,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
they tumble about inside.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I fought until I had no fight
left,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will no longer run and hide.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You stand tall, seemingly proud
over my shadow,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How dare you step into it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Step up or step off,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think this once I choose off…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Falling…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You fear my light, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
but I KNOW of your dark.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am fearful no more,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the winds at this height whip and
lash at me,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
as I fall silently,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
tear-less,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
into your darkness…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will weep no more,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and you will not quench this
light...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-2202613765746288842013-04-14T09:15:00.002-07:002013-04-14T09:15:31.511-07:00What if...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if …<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the one, the only
one who can un-break this heart…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
help me remember what it is to smile again…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
teach me to trust again, to hold a hand..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
walk beside me and just be there…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
speak the words my heart is dying to hear…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
remind me of my beauty…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one that
can dry this endless flood of tears...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
remind me of my wings, to unfetter them so I can once again fly…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one who
holds the key to this locked castle in my heart, so cold and austere…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only answer
to my endless questions…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only medicine
to help fight this chronic pain…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
speak life into this dying soul…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
restore my rhythm so I might dance once again, radiant and proud…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
help me hear the birdsong, so sweet and refined…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one that
is the other half to my empty whole…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
hold me when I cry and the days turn cold…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
pass me by today and offer a smile…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one to
see me for who I truly am..<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if you are the only one that
is truly you, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and all the things that you do or
don’t, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
you can’t undo…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if it all really mattered…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-26098403851175245942013-04-10T00:48:00.001-07:002013-04-10T00:48:14.107-07:00Links to songs posted on you tubeI have a handful of songs I have written and posted on you tube, feel free to check them out. They are rough drafts, still a long way to go and most of my music I write primarily from my piano and it is not recorded yet, so a work in progress, but fun. :)<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/tammyjeanflowers?feature=guide" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/user/tammyjeanflowers?feature=guide</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-51252667920928857142013-04-07T11:48:00.000-07:002013-04-10T11:53:17.927-07:00I am the Rainbow...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://wakpaper.com/large/Butterflies_wallpapers_310.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://wakpaper.com/large/Butterflies_wallpapers_310.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
My heart was broken long ago<br />
but it still beats<br />
the ribs around it form a cage.<br />
<br />
My heart is a bird<br />
it was once free and happy<br />
full of life and joy.<br />
<br />
Now it is broken,<br />
beaten<br />
bloodied...<br />
shoved inside a cold steel cage<br />
trapped in pain and solitude.<br />
<br />
If I could but stretch my wings out once more and remember<br />
I am a beautiful creature...<br />
not that bloodied mangled corpse<br />
rotting in the cage...<br />
<br />
Oh I remember I was once all the beautiful colors of the rainbow...<br />
<br />
The vibrant Reds poured forth like lava<br />
flowing with passion,<br />
pouring out<br />
showing my vigor, love for life,<br />
I was covered in a warm flow of Red...<br />
<br />
The Orange burst forth from me like the sun,<br />
bright<br />
radiant,<br />
drawing...<br />
I burned Orange.<br />
<br />
The sweet glow of Yellow poured out from within<br />
the traces of golden daffodils,<br />
their scent radiating from within<br />
and the beautiful golden yellow of every sunrise and sunset.<br />
I spun Yellow...<br />
<br />
The Emerald Green sang from my heart<br />
a love so deep<br />
pure<br />
and whole.<br />
I exuded Emerald...<br />
<br />
The Azure Blue was from the bluest of skies,<br />
those gorgeous blue skies that wash away every memory of grey ones<br />
bringing instead choruses of birdsong.<br />
I sang Azure blue, clear and true...<br />
<br />
I danced an Indigo as dark as the night<br />
as sweet and comforting as the moon<br />
I shone through vibration.<br />
I danced Indigo...<br />
<br />
I shone purple, gold, and white<br />
all around my head like a crown of magnificent hair<br />
so healthy<br />
so alive<br />
so seductive.<br />
I radiated purple nobility,,,<br />
<br />
I knew my law then<br />
I knew it well<br />
all the borders,<br />
fences,<br />
lakes and rivers...<br />
<br />
I was so many beautiful colors<br />
they were braided about me<br />
intertwining,<br />
weaving through my aura.<br />
<br />
The dark knights stripped me bare of my beautiful colors,<br />
they defiled me to the point of deletion...<br />
my colors trailed off slowly<br />
bit by bit<br />
into the night's breeze<br />
where they could be kept safe...<br />
<br />
I call them back now<br />
by remembrance<br />
I call them back by name<br />
like beautiful long lost loves,<br />
like children they gather around me<br />
anxious to meet again<br />
their flying colors intertwining with me once more.<br />
<br />
I remember...<br />
I call them back...<br />
I forget them no more...<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://wakpaper.com/large/Butterflies_wallpapers_310.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://wakpaper.com/large/Butterflies_wallpapers_310.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-40805333494435084052013-04-04T22:24:00.001-07:002013-04-05T06:49:05.102-07:00Heartaches VisitHe showed up at my door one day,<br />
beaten, tattered and worn through.<br />
I invited him in to stay a while,<br />
to catch his breath, to regroup.<br />
<br />
I mended his clothing,<br />
I fed him wholesome food,<br />
I showed him love...<br />
<br />
The pain I saw in those eyes,<br />
was deeper than the sea.<br />
I wanted to help.<br />
<br />
The seconds became minutes,<br />
the minutes came hours,<br />
the hours came days,<br />
the days came months,<br />
the months came years.<br />
I am not sure how long he stayed in all.<br />
<br />
At first it was awkward to have him there,<br />
but soon it was my daily routine.<br />
I would awaken to find Grief and Heartache waiting for me beside my bed,<br />
I would put them on like clothes almost,<br />
take him with me wherever I went.<br />
<br />
I thought I was helping him,<br />
but I wasn't.<br />
What I did do<br />
was open my heart to his pain,<br />
and the flood was relentless.<br />
<br />
I didn't take away his pain,<br />
I certainly didn't fix it for him.<br />
But I made him comfortable in front of my hearth daily as I warmed him,<br />
and continued to feed and clothe him.<br />
<br />
I told myself in time he would see the true sacrifice I made,<br />
and he would love me<br />
cherishing me for the fight I endured on his behalf.<br />
I probably don't have to tell you that isn't how it worked at all.<br />
<br />
Heartache and Grief they have discolored love,<br />
it gives the appearance of real love<br />
sometimes even feels like a faint memory of it,<br />
but it isn't.<br />
<br />
Daily I was drained by him,<br />
daily I would submit to his ways,<br />
daily I went about in a fog...<br />
<br />
Until all at once the fog lifted,<br />
I began to see him for what he truly was,<br />
and the echoes of joy I had felt in his presence<br />
they weren't real at all,<br />
just traces of my broken dreams.<br />
<br />
I realize I have wasted years<br />
toiling in insanity,<br />
doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting different results.<br />
<br />
So I sent my visitor packing,<br />
I sent him on his way.<br />
I told him he had to leave,<br />
even though my heart oddly longed for him to stay<br />
<br />
In those years of confusion,<br />
I lost sight of who I truly am.<br />
Never having a chance to truly discover it before,<br />
can I truly turn away the next visitor that knocks at my door?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-86727172802566186912013-03-22T01:44:00.000-07:002013-03-22T09:29:19.482-07:00No Man's Land...I have to wake up.<br />
This dream has become a confusing reality and I desperately need to awaken...<br />
<br />
I tell my legs to move,<br />
I instruct my arms to do the same,<br />
they oblige...<br />
<br />
But my heart is another matter all together, it won't budge...<br />
It is the biggest mountain of a rock on this green earth of my soul and I can't do anything with it.<br />
<br />
I feel trapped...<br />
frozen in the ice of it's highest summit where no human has yet dared to go and claim...<br />
<br />
Who do I wait for to claim these icy, frigid waters at it's base...<br />
the depth of which seem to carry on forever.<br />
<br />
Who do I wait for, and why am I certain that I am not a worthy quest and that no one's actually coming...<br />
<br />
The pain freezes me in silence...<br />
the winds are bitterly unbearable at this height...<br />
how do I expect any human to ever break through this barrier of pain...<br />
<br />
Even if they do have the skills they lack determination, or visa verse..<br />
<br />
I am weary of always being strong...<br />
i want to be weak.<br />
<br />
My body cries out for weakness...<br />
but the cold solidity of my imposed and accepted strengths,<br />
keeps me frigid...<br />
cold...<br />
alone...<br />
<br />
I wish to simply dissolve...<br />
yet what I really need is to rise up.<br />
Even if I am bone weary of rising up one more single time...<br />
but the single time always becomes again... and again... and again... and again...<br />
<br />
I rise up...<br />
I step forward.<br />
I choose to see the light,<br />
or I choose the empty comfort of the dark pain...<br />
<br />
This I do know, weeping may endure for the night,<br />
but I can always find joy in the morning: light... joy... hope... and strength...<br />
<br />
If I am crying tonight,<br />
it just means I am emptying my cup, that was once again too full.<br />
Tomorrow will bring, as it always has,<br />
a fresh outpouring to suffice me for the day.<br />
<br />
so I hold on, and then breathe in deeply that fresh morning light.<br />
after all, what else is there to do when you have an awakening...<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-26571267446844584032013-03-21T11:26:00.001-07:002013-03-22T02:53:58.970-07:00Tj's Kick-Ass Coconut Granola Recipe<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQAkFXDoLmXkBb0MPyNw5h9DEpKN-YPuYvn0aSuk2qRnIZvqeod" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQAkFXDoLmXkBb0MPyNw5h9DEpKN-YPuYvn0aSuk2qRnIZvqeod" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
5c. Rolled Oats (I use Bob's Red Mill GF Rolled Oats they are wonderful)<br />
1/2c to 1c Almond Meal<br />
1 c. shredded unsweetened raw Coconut<br />
1/2 c. Oat Bran (Can use any bran, even wheat germ if you aren't Celiac)<br />
Combine the above ingredients in a large bowl with enough room left to stir in liquids and disperse evenly.<br />
<br />
1 c. Melted Coconut Oil (Can use others, Coconut tastes the best and is the best for you, it is a good fat)<br />
1/2 c. raw Agave Nectar (You can use honey or brown sugar if you prefer, the Agave works better for me because the sugar in it is better assimilated in me and I can't do honey. Also you may want to add more sweetener, I use very little now, I used to use a whole cup of Agave)<br />
1 to 2 tsp. pure Vanilla extract (Can also add a tsp of Almond extract if you want a cherry taste)<br />
Combine the Coconut Oil, Agave, and Vanilla, then pour over oat mixture and stir until all oats are coated with mixture.<br />
<br />
Place in a 9x13 (ish) glass dish and Bake at 275 for 15 minutes. I prefer mine soft and chewy so if you like yours crunchy, just cook it longer, and stir it in 15 minute increments. Let it cool and add fruit. I add raisins as a favorite and then it tastes like a warm oatmeal cookie if you eat it soon, that is a huge comfort thing for me and the coconut oil, oatmeal and vanilla really soothe my stomach. You can use fresh fruit, strawberries and blueberries are best, it is wonderful with raisins and bananas. Find your perfect combination, I have some on hand most days of the week, it is a wonderful sweet treat without the unhealthy fat and sugars.<br />
Enjoy....<br />
<br />
You can also add more nuts and seeds in 1/4 c. increments; pumpkin, sunflower, and sesame seeds are all delicious to add for a change in flavor. You can also add Hazelnut Meal instead of Almond Meal and that is very tasty too.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-72522539416568534292013-03-21T09:46:00.001-07:002013-04-10T10:26:32.675-07:00Big Red Balloon... <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://cassieforever.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/crowdsourced_red_balloon_contest_demonstrates_success_with_team_collaboration.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cassieforever.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/crowdsourced_red_balloon_contest_demonstrates_success_with_team_collaboration.jpg" height="324" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
I close my eyes... <br />
I take in a slow, deep, cleansing breath...<br />
<br />
Joy and Pride rise up in me from my core, I lift them up... they awaken drowsily from their slumber.<br />
<br />
My roots are tidy... soft... comfortable... safe... and cleansed.<br />
<br />
Bathed in a soft, golden glow...<br />
the tides rise and fade away in my spirit.<br />
<br />
My pulse strengthens... my heart relaxes... my cup is filled.<br />
<br />
The light pours in, and floats through the tides... like water and oil not mixing.<br />
<br />
There is a drain, and a swirling... a pulling.<br />
the wrong thoughts are removed...<br />
the pain subsides and releases...<br />
the darkness is filled with light...<br />
the light pours into the bowl...<br />
the core of my being.<br />
<br />
I breathe in fresh oxygen and direct the warm current to my root, focusing on building and restoring.<br />
<br />
The inner lights soothe me...<br />
they bathe my mind...<br />
softening hard thought patterns...<br />
lifting broken reasoning...<br />
restoring peace.<br />
<br />
My soul begins to float up... up... up... like a big, red, bright balloon...<br />
full of life... bursting with color... lifting with joy.<br />
<br />
I am an amazing being... fearfully and wonderfully made.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://cassieforever.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/crowdsourced_red_balloon_contest_demonstrates_success_with_team_collaboration.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cassieforever.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/crowdsourced_red_balloon_contest_demonstrates_success_with_team_collaboration.jpg" height="202" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-43403943949721059332013-03-17T11:26:00.003-07:002013-03-21T10:28:25.470-07:00When the Heart BreaksI have often pondered why the heart must break... It seems so needless, the suffering and the pain that can come from the broken heart.<br />
But when a bone is broken and it doesn't heal properly, it must be reset which is quite painful physically. However the pain is necessary to heal properly and not cause additional pain when one uses it from that point forward.<br />
It must be reset so it gets aligned and works together with the rest of the body in proper harmony.<br />
<br />
The heart is no different, and as I have grown older and more set in my ways, callouses have built up around the areas of my heart that were broken so long ago and never healed properly. <br />
I often cry out for healing, but am numb to every single avenue that the healing can come in through, because I am still locked and broken by the torrent of emotions that threaten to break me at the very thought of their existence.. <br />
I continue to cry out for my eyes to be opened, and then the light comes flooding in and it is piercing, blinding, and I am fearful. At times it feels as if my heart might burst, this new territory I see, I see the corruption from the past, but then I see the light pouring in, and I know it is the light I have to merge successfully with. <br />
I don't hold onto the pain, pain will never bring me true comfort, even if it is what I am accustomed to. Do I repeat that memory for the rest of my life with the sharp infliction of pain in it, or do I accept that it was painful, that it happened, allowing the feelings to rip through my body if they must, and sometimes they come in torrents, floods of pain. But you hold onto the root, to whatever you can, you hold on for dear life so that the force of the flood doesn't suck you in with it, and then once you realize all you had to do was hold on to that root, and hold on to the light that was flooding in, healing becomes much easier. It isn't scary like it used to be... I am not a naked, fearful child unable to defend myself anymore, I am a grown woman... I am a warrior... and I am proud! I let my colors fly... without shame, without fear... <br />
I stand firm, tall, and am a proud warrior...<br />
I decide with a sigh of resignation, the heart must break in order to increase and grow, and I will not be bitter for my heart breaking, but I will be glad for the opportunity heart break brings to heal, and to grow, and if I allow it to, to truly THRIVE. <br />
<br />
I have arrived, I am exactly who I am supposed to be, heartbreak doesn't mean failure, heartbreak is an opportunity to grow... to stretch out once more in safety... and to thrive once again...<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-3990650437026477402013-03-14T14:27:00.000-07:002013-03-21T10:31:12.374-07:00Beloved<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Beloved, my heart screams…
You haunt me even in my dreams.
Joy is stowed away, sadness encompasses my soul like water around a life
preserver. The weight pulls down, deeper
and deeper sinking… sinking… sinking…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I look to the surface of the water, I can see the reflection
of joy, I remember she used to be there, but as I am pulled down to the depths
I slowly surrender and close my eyes, forgetting a world that once inhabited
everything good for this soul.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ancient tears pour out, the pain feels as if it will never
cease, working so hard for healing, fighting so hard, fighting for so long… was it really all to simply be left alone
once again. How I came into this world,
to be reminded I am alone, I already knew this…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to be restored, I want someone else to do the work, I
am weary, my bones are dry… Spectators
certainly gather, but they just look on, they don’t help... they don’t touch... they don’t heal... they just watch.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Loneliness threatens to drown me in his sorrow, how many times have I held out for that brighter tomorrow. Does it ever come? Why does it wait in darkness, in cold
silence. How am I to find it with this
Winters frost still dusting my flesh.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been following an illusion for years, now I look up
and remove my nose from the grinding stone and don’t recognize my surroundings,
I have woken up in a strange place I know not, and no longer understand or feel
a fight to live for.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where is my mustard seed, the mountain I have fought and
fought and fought my entire life to climb.. to move... to change... is still planted
in front of me firmly.<br />
<br />
Where is that
tiny flicker of hope that used to radiate with a warmth that drew others to want to abide with me,
instead of standing by helplessly watching me fall. Reaching, but not
holding... Saying, but not meaning…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I poured my heart out into an earthly vessel, that rejected
it and pushed it back in my face with a force I have not before felt. It knocked the wind out of my chest, the life
out of my soul. How do I fight still, what is left to fight for...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I couldn't find the silver lining for so long and then I
spotted it, faintly in the distance, barely visible, but there... I reached out, I stretched as far my earthly
body would allow me, and found that when you reach that high to touch the stars,
it just means you have all that farther to fall. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am
still waiting to hit the bottom, I feel it coming, I know it is there, I can’t
deny it… But I won’t open my eyes…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-68775262470795670382013-03-05T12:26:00.000-08:002013-03-21T10:29:13.538-07:00Like Water Poured Out...Like water poured out<br />
my soul flows forth,<br />
Like water poured out<br />
I seek to dissolve into the earth.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Like water poured out<br />
back in the container it goes not,<br />
Like water poured out<br />
I seek final solitude to absorb me into it's warm hearth.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Like water poured out<br />
my flesh is clean,<br />
Like water poured out<br />
I wait in silence for the majestic ships to return and grace my harbor once more.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Like water poured out<br />
my tears fall silently,<br />
Like water poured out<br />
my soul is dry.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Like water poured out<br />
it quenches my thirst,<br />
Like water poured out<br />
I return to the sky...<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-15121077370705992252013-02-08T08:44:00.001-08:002013-04-18T10:46:59.326-07:00Seeking Sanctuary<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My heart and soul scream out for Sanctuary, where are you? When will you come? My voice is hoarse and my throat full of
pain from the dry scratch that is created every time I try and whisper your
name. My body trembles under the weight of the pain. I miss You desperately and I need to be
comforted. Where is my Sanctuary, where
is my temple, the earth has been violently shaken beneath me and crumbled all
that I held dear to the very core. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Shaken,
and broken, crumbling down into the earth. Nothing left to be seen but
mangled wreckage of something that once might have been beautiful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Where is my Sanctuary, where is my temple. I went searching for you and in my zealous
search, I lost sight of you and can no longer even find Joy. Where did she go, she has broken my heart,
and I miss her deeply with a sadness born only in a soul that has known too
much pain and sorrow for these few years on this earth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Where is my solace?
Where is my comfort? I cry out for you, but you have abandoned me.
I followed my hearts cry completely and totally for the first time ever and my
world shook and trembled and crumbled violently under the weight of my dream.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My anger and brokenness do nothing to comfort, they remind
me of my inadequacies and that my life is not of value, if it were, I would not
have to walk through such pain and brokenness.
Why…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So often in life I am stuck in the why, and even if I had an
answer as to why every bad thing that has cut me so deeply and left scars in my
very soul, the why still will not help me to heal. The why doesn't help.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Where is my Sanctuary, where is my dream, and what corrupted
it to such dark confusion and turmoil.
It started burning so bright and clear, but this is dim and fading in
the growing darkness and I can’t seem to gather enough life together to keep
the flame burning. I watch it slowly
flickering and fading and I fight the fear that rises from my soul that says
it will never light again if I let it out.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Yet I have no Sanctuary, no place of peace and comfort to
rest my weary soul and to lick and tend to my wounds that run so very
deep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No I must keep running, running, running. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Running blindly from my past, and blindly into my
future. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Running, running, running.
My mind won’t stop, my mind won’t give me peace, but my heart fears
daily that it will stop. I fear the
pain in my heart could confuse it to
stop pumping, it has already lost cadence repeatedly for months now, almost a
year, and there are days where I wait to see if the pain subsides or if it will
finally take over and consume me completely, removing me from this world
altogether.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I often have wondered how much loss and grief the human soul
can handle before it departs from this world, I wasn't testing the concept, I
was trying to assure myself that I hadn't been given too much and that my heart
would continue to beat even under the weight of the pressing water of the world
that closes in around me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The sinking,
sinking, sinking down into the depth of despair that holds me like a beaten
child is held by their mother after they were beaten by her. Comfort doesn't come through her, how could
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sanctuary, what does it mean to me, a haven of safety. It is not something I have been able to
experience a great deal of in life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I learn now I have to make my own sanctuary. It is inside me, inside my temple, this holy
body that I so often mutilate with unkind words and harsh critiques. How do I reset my internal dialogue to that
of joy, peace, harmony, and love for myself, instead of the things that were
placed in me by others that aren't even the tiniest faction of the truth about
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I used to know where my hope came from, now I am not so
sure. Tears that won’t stop falling,
blind the truth and blur it to an unrecognizable form that I continually move
about internally trying to scoot here or there and find the right spot for it,
but it just doesn't fit anywhere. The
throw pillow and teddy bear I placed on top of it do nothing to disguise it, it
is still unrecognizable to me, no matter how long I stare at it, I cannot see
it for what it is. When did these
blinders get placed on my eyes, and why won’t they fall off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Before I had hope, I always had a hope in the better, and
the higher. Hope that something was
there that would lift me from my grief and that someone placed me in this world
for a reason, not just for blind confusion that leads me from walking into one
wall after another, and another, and another.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The wisdom I thought my soul possessed and before thought
was good and secure, I have now found to be very inadequate and there are
complete volumes missing from the library of my soul. Volumes that I blacked out, by not believing
in their very existence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you deny something long enough in your life, you really
won’t see it anymore. Of course the pain
that comes through that is that once you black out enough things that full of
grief, well, you can’t keep them contained and sealed up. They start to rot and fester in the container
you placed them in, and then they begin to ooze out of their crate and start to
infect the surrounding areas of your soul, until the darkness has permeated
almost everything.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I face the grief and turmoil head on, I won’t run
anymore, I am not afraid, fear has never been able to hurt me, it is just an emotion, just a feeling and it passes like all feelings do… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But where is my Sanctuary, I still can’t find it. I need my Sanctuary, I need my temple
restored, I need the foundation rebuilt, and can’t seem to find any volunteers
to help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I begin the work again on my own. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Amazingly, comfort comes through repetition,
and healing comes through the repetition. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some days you have to decide that just breathing in and out today is an
accomplishment, because some days all you can do is breathe. And then maybe tomorrow I can start to clean
up some of the wreckage in my soul from this earthquake. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It simply means it is time to rebuild. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To stand up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To get up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">To
start again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">So I stand up, I
shake the dust from my sandals and I begin again, this time I will find my Sanctuary,
and when I do, I will never let her go again…</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-17117053060378801282012-09-12T08:20:00.001-07:002013-03-21T10:34:01.617-07:00Child Abuse<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am literally baffled when I see parents striking their children. I don't understand why some parents feel it is okay to hit their child for disobedience, but would never ever assault an adult in the same way for not doing as they wished. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Can you imagine someone coming up to you on the street, telling you to do something, and then hitting you repeatedly until you figured out what they wanted and did it, in reality that person would go to jail for physical assault and battery! <b>But who stands up for the child with no voice?</b> For some reason it is very wrong for a stranger to beat the crap out of you on the street, but totally okay if it is your family and it takes place at home, those ones don't go to jail... It is an absurd thought, why would anyone ever do that to another adult, <i><b>yet it is totally acceptable in children with severely limited verbal and emotional skills, also unable to physically defend themselves,</b></i><b> to be struck for disobedience, in fact most people encourage this. </b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Most people do so in the name of God, they think it says somewhere in the Bible that they should beat their children, and it most certainly does not. Jesus tells us that we are to come to Him as children, and that anyone who is a stumbling block to a child is going to have a very bad outcome in the end. Jesus tells us to <b><u>disciple/discipline</u></b> our children, here is wikipedia's definition:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">In its original sense,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;"> </span><span style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">discipline</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">is systematic instruction given to</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;"> </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apprenticeship" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;" title="Apprenticeship">disciples</a><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">to train them as students in a craft or trade, or any other activity which they are supposed to perform, or to follow a particular</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;"> </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code_of_conduct" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;" title="Code of conduct">code of conduct</a><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">or "</span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_order" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;" title="Social order">order</a><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">". Often, the phrase "to discipline" carries a negative connotation. This is because enforcement of order – that is, ensuring instructions are carried out – is often regulated through</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;"> </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punishment" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;" title="Punishment">punishment</a><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19.200000762939453px;">.</span></span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.200000762939453px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-top: 0.4em;">
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Discipline is the assertion of willpower over more base desires, and is usually understood to be synonymous with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_control" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080;" title="Self control">self control</a>. Self-discipline is to some extent a substitute for <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motivation" style="background-image: none; color: #0b0080;" title="Motivation">motivation</a>, when one uses reason to determine the best course of action that opposes one's desires.</span></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-top: 0.4em;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jesus never told us to hit our children, and he severely chastened those who tried to keep the children from coming to him in their pure and beautiful spirits. We are to mentor, to train... Not to teach our children that when they get upset with another person the right thing to do is strike them until they behave as they should. There are countless studies that prove that physically striking your child for punishment causes rage and anger to boil up in them and pour out at other times, among MANY other negative effects.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-top: 0.4em;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here is one such article, there are MILLIONS, I will put up the link for this one as it is in depth: <a href="http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/spanking/10-reasons-not-hit-your-child" style="background-color: transparent;">http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/spanking/10-reasons-not-hit-your-child</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What a different world this would be if we could teach our children in the way we want to be taught ourselves, and if we viewed raising our children as a joy and treasure, not a joyless mindless task where we seek only to get through one day to the next. Life was meant to have joy in it.</span></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-13271401597028952682012-09-06T04:51:00.001-07:002012-09-06T04:51:34.308-07:00She...<br />
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">“Who are you?” She
says to herself in the mirror, her face becoming blurred and unrecognizable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">“I used to know what you looked like,” she insists, but she
has tried to please too many for too long, for the wrong reasons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She no longer sees defined characteristics in her face, only
mute fear of being left alone that has corrupted her heart’s view.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The cup she tried to fill was not her own, she isn’t
supposed to seek human validation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She feels empty, but full, wanders as if she is lost, but
knows the way in her soul if she will just quiet it and listen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She knows the melody, the sweet refrain, it bounces off of
creation and sings to her in the rain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She is wise beyond her years, she knows that her heart
dances alone to the beat of creation’s song within.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She learns to feel full and validated through herself and
Creator alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She is confident that trends come and go and knows no
earthly belonging can hold the value and beauty of her most precious works.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Her husband and children indeed rise and call her “blessed,”
she is their light, their sun and moon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She is steady and constant, unwavering in thought she trains
her mind to meditate, to learn to respond instead of react.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She knows the value of still silence, yet adores the busy
bustle and noise the children will bring later in the morning hours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She treasures her husband, she honors him with her hands,
heart and soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She stands at the precipice of his soul and tends to his
every need daily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Her children are joyful, balanced and grounded firmly in
love and gratitude.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She knows the value of basing the core of her emotions on embodying
and reverberating love and gratitude; the heartbeat of the earth, the soul of
the soil.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She understands everything fashioned by her Creator is a
beauty to behold, weeds are no longer seen as such. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She breathes in the warm scent of the wild blackberries and
enjoys it’s fruit instead of whining about it’s thorns. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She marvels at both plants and animals and their amazing
abilities to adapt to their surroundings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She understands adaptation is the key to the very heart beat
of the Universe. Survival of the most adaptations,
not fittest!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She dances and howls to the tides of the moon, uncaring of
who hears her spirit’s cry, too long have her lips been silent and her feet
been bound.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Beauty that begins in the heart manifests itself outwardly
in time, she understands patience, love and gratitude will eventually clear her
path.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She understands she cannot see past the choices she has yet
made, but she still strives for perfection through showing compassion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She is not a door mat for the world to wipe their feet on,
she stands tall and full needing no validation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She learns how to become whole again, a little more each
day. Life has at times pummeled her in
the waves of her fears and left her shipwrecked on the beach with nothing left
to do but pick up the rabble and start again.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Healing comes through repetition…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She knows she can always find joy in today, she dances to
forget yesterday and to remember tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Her star burns bright and fierce now, motivated with love and
gratitude, who can escape her glow…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And this is just the beginning…</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-57891496411105964052012-04-10T16:18:00.004-07:002012-04-10T16:34:33.834-07:00Coming UndoneUndo the pain that I have inflicted.<br />Undo the hurt that my eyes and face have glared into.<br />Undo the broken places,<br />Make me whole again.<br /><br />Bathe me in Your Spirit,<br />Create sacred ground.<br />Cover me in Your protection.<br />My spirit is weak,<br />But You have always been strength.<br /><br />Cover me in Your glow.<br />Undo the barriers in my spirit.<br />Bring down all the walls,<br />So Your love can flow freely and sweetly through me.<br /><br />My spirit is edgy.<br />The water of my soul has been poured out.<br />Fill me again.<br /><br />Make new pathways,<br />Stop my self mutilation.<br /><br />Let me hear the sweet song of the birds once again.<br />Let me feel the breath of the earth.<br />If all creation cries out praise to the heavens.<br />Why are my lips sealed.<br /><br />Remind me of the days I gazed into the heavens drinking in Your rhapsody of blue.<br /><br />I've neglected to allow my spirit to grow, and I clipped her wings long ago.<br /><br />Give my spirit the gift of flight,<br />I plead....<br /><br />Reconnect me to the soul and heart that were broken,<br />and bring new life from the shattered pieces....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-67326597765818167402012-01-24T18:52:00.000-08:002012-01-24T20:52:26.705-08:00Pieces To My Puzzle<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Bm74njNBv98/Tx98o20fIMI/AAAAAAAAAF8/riheTx-DyEA/s1600/PC203084.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 400px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5701412694626607298" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Bm74njNBv98/Tx98o20fIMI/AAAAAAAAAF8/riheTx-DyEA/s400/PC203084.JPG" /></a> How do you communicate to your 10 year old autistic son, for whom even a simple yes or no is very taxing for his little system to supply. To whom a simple question will either elicit joy, or extreme frustration because the words jumbled together, and even though yesterday he understood what I meant when I asked him to turn off the light, today it doesn't make sense and he tries to do ten different things for me that he thinks I might mean, because he can't understand the language I am speaking from my mouth. How do I communicate my love to my Sammy boy and know he hears it and feels it and sees it? When I try and show him my affection he is like a huge lab that still thinks he is a puppy,:o) he almost knocks me over most of the time, and I can't tell you the number of bruises his love has left on my body. I try to hold him and he gets excited and jumps, I try to talk to him and he giggles at me and this veil seems to settle over his eyes and I instantly know I am not making sense to my Sammy anymore and my heart cries out. My heart literally breaks. Day after day, after day, after day.<br /><br /><div><br /><br /><div>Sammy's mood often sets the tone for the entire family, if he wakes up and doesn't feel quite right, or something isn't exactly how he expected it, meltdowns are frequent and numerous.</div><br /><br /><br /><div>How do I reach his little heart when he cries on the floor and flops about because he is so frustrated with what he is trying to do that he can't get to work, and he can't ask for help.</div><br /><br /><div>How do I respond.</div><br /><br /><div>So often it is so easy to become enraged. I get up and have been out of bed five minutes and hear whining and fussing from his room and my heart gets angry. Why can't I have time for myself, I only wanted to spend some time in the Bible, surely this should be a simple task when I have awoken before my two youngest girls to sneak in this time. Why does rage and anger seem to come so easily?!? I fight them back as best as I can, but it still rages in me at times against my own flesh and blood, what do I do with this? How do I accept that there are times that are just going to be angering for the rest of my life. I have made peace with Sammy being with Billy and I long after the other children have grown and moved out, I don't have any trouble with that at all. If I could only just reach him... </div><br /><br /><br /><div>I would often find myself just breathing, sometimes that is the best reply I can give my son, to breathe deeply, close my eyes and say nothing. Does he need to see the frustration and hurt in my eyes? Does he need to see how my heart breaks on the days that I cannot reach him no matter how hard I try? Does he need to see my feelings of failing him in my eyes? Does he need to see the pain in my heart and the grief that sneaks up when I feel Sam has been robbed of something good. When I feel Sammy has had something taken from him that wasn't rightfully done.</div><br /><br /><div>How can I praise my God entirely when my heart is broken because the child He gave to me I feel He has somehow made a mistake with.</div><br /><br /><div>To look my Sammy in the eyes I see nothing short of a miracle. He is a beautiful little boy, such soft brown and golden curls in his hair and warm hazel eyes that seem to ooze forth his love and joy for life. When I look into Sammy's eyes, I see he is happy. Just because the world I thought he needed and deserved isn't the way it turned out to be, doesn't mean my Sammy isn't happy.</div><br /><br /><br /><div>So I breathe, when I think I cannot take a minute longer, I cry out to God for help, I close my eyes, and I breathe deeply. Often tears accompany these prayers, but I breathe deeply and pray until I can think clearly enough to join Sammy in his world, and love him right where he is at. Even if it means there will be extra bruises on my body, even if it means I don't get to do what I wanted this morning, or even today, and need to wait until later to fit in time with God. I need to drop what I am doing and meet my little angel right where he is. Often it can be joy too, but that is an easy place for me to meet him, sometimes the whoops of joy and laughter literally echoe from the hallways as he runs up and down them. But when he is broken, I am broken too. So I meet him in our brokeness, and I seek God's help in how to fix this. I don't often have solutions, other than to sit there with him and get him through it, putting aside 100% of everything on my mind, meals to make, clothes to clean, baby to nurse, etc... Instead I lay down my will, and I meet Sammy right where he is. If he is tossing a toy into a container and saying the same thing over and over again, then I do that. Amazingly I have found that his speach gets clearer when I do this, and he actually starts looking into my eyes, straight and deep into my eyes, his little soul meets mine. Such a simple thing as that, because I joined him in his little world. There is a theory behind this, it is called 'Floor Time' and it is very successful with children with autism, the idea is that you meet a child exactly where they are at, if all they want to do is throw a block on the floor and say the same word over and over, that is what you do. The more you meet them in their world, the safer they feel being drawn out to join you in your world. </div><br /><br /><br /><div>I had to walk through some deep healing from past emotional pain before I could ever get to this place of meeting Sammy in his world. I have tried before, believe me I tried and failed again and again and again. Well he is my son, he is the apple of my eye, what else am I to do. I learn a little more, I read a little more, I try and find solutions. But most of the time I tried and failed because I had such grief in my heart, it not only blocked God from working through me completely, but it blocked Sammy from feeling safe and secure always with his mommy. But since I have walked through this turmoil in my own heart, Sammy feels safer now allowing me into his world. Momma's unresolved anger and pain don't hurt him anymore. Samuel and I have a connection that runs almost as deep as a mother nursing her child, he is not by any means nursing, but his emotional connection to me has always been very strong. It makes sense, his survival depends on his mother's emotional state. If I was stressed out by life or whatever was going on, it showed every day in me and was written onto my Sammy's heart, instead of the things I longed to write there.</div><br /><br /><br /><div>His momma is so heartbroken that it has taken this long to meet her little Sammy angel right where he is, but I am rejoicing that God has set me free from my past and is allowing me a glimpse into Sammy's world today. After trying and trying and trying in my own power, I realized it was useless, it isn't by might, and it isn't by power... It was by His Spirit... Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord, I will forever praise Your name for You are MORE than worthy of our praises!!!!</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-72935249952149324872012-01-11T09:07:00.001-08:002012-05-10T15:23:15.517-07:00Dear OneShattered dreams, broken plans.<br />
Wounds that run deep throughout scarred hands.<br />
<br />
Hands that have tried to heal,<br />
Hands that have strived always to do enough,<br />
Never realizing in my own strength, things will always be rough.<br />
<br />
When these scarred hands, still dripping with blood from past sin,<br />
Choose to stop blocking God's presence from fully entering in,<br />
Amazing things begin to happen.<br />
<br />
What will happen if I take my hands from gripping the wheel of life,<br />
Turning them palms up in sacrifice?<br />
These hands become softened,<br />
Hard callouses disappear.<br />
You can almost feel the mud and the gunk as it drips off your soul and God rinses it clean.<br />
<br />
No longer bound to my fear or regrets, what will I do for comfort?<br />
Sorrow and despair hung about me like tattered, moth eaten cloaks.<br />
Do I cling to these rags, or do I let them fall freely from my body, and simply allow Christ to be my true identity?<br />
<br />
The good news is, He has seen me naked, broken and abused.<br />
He wasn't shocked by it as I expected Him to be,<br />
He has seen me just as I am, weak, fragile, human...<br />
And He somehow is still in love with me.<br />
What I see as weakness,<br />
He sees as strength.<br />
What I see as pitiful and small,<br />
He never despises.<br />
<br />
It is only through my weaknesses that God can perfect me,<br />
For if I had things under control always, why would I need God.<br />
In fact, if this were true we would have no need for God,<br />
And our Creator fashioned us for partnership with Him.<br />
Partnership in a divine, not of this world marriage.<br />
<br />
Without those nasty old rags clinging to my body,<br />
I can actually begin to see radiance.<br />
It is as if the light from my soul that was bound for so long in darkness and fear,<br />
Has burst forth and shown through me in a brilliant outpouring.<br />
<br />
I used to whimper and whine to God about my life, it wasn't until I got serious that I began to find Him.<br />
He wasn't willing to allow me to continue as His spotless bride, when I had whole areas of my soul sectioned and roped off from His presence.<br />
<br />
"It's all or nothing baby, are you in or out?" He says...<br />
<br />
And when I finally commit 100% to allowing Him freely into every single fiber of my being,<br />
Healing pours forth in a radiant light.<br />
<br />
Since I had suffered sexual abuse as a child, I was convinced I was nothing. I didn't know how to fit God into a world where He allowed such things to go on, my world...<br />
Suffice to say, it was very long suffering, but when I was old enough to deal with it, He called me to him one day.<br />
<br />
Just like a child I came to Him immediately and it was almost as if He pulled me up onto His knee, smiling, beaming love at me. He tried to gently draw my attention to something, but I quickly changed the subject. He tried to show me again and I would change the subject each time. This went on for some time, and then one day instead of chattering on to Him about my day and what I was thinking and doing, I decided to ask Him what He was thinking. I had felt so much unrest in my spirit recently, I didn't know where I was going wrong, I just felt so confused. Memories even started getting foggy and I just seemed so stressed and overwhelmed all the time, where was my peace and tranquility. I thought I spent more time with God now, but I didn't feel like I had been in His presence that often anymore.<br />
<br />
"Dear One, there is something I must show you, though it pains me deeply. You are old enough now, I will hide you under the shadow of my wings no longer, you must stop this destructive behavior. It worked when you were young, it helped you to survive, but now you must trust me and surrender it to me." He said.<br />
<br />
Like a child I whined. I fussed and whimpered about, pleading Him to not make me. But after a few months of feeling very uncomfortable inside, I told Him I was ready. No matter what it was that I had blocked from my past, I would deal with it, I was done being on this fencepost in life, I wanted to hike up to the mountain tops and take in the views. With His help I knew I could. <br />
<br />
And then later the next day when my husband was with me and the perfect opportunity presented itself for healing, it started. In an instant my chest was tight, it felt as if the weight of the world rested on it, it hurt so terribly I could barely breathe. And I was a little girl again, afraid and panicking. I was like a wild animal, clawing and clutching for life. I was running from those demons that had haunted my dreams, I recognized them instantly. They were even bigger and stronger than I remembered them and I was this itty bitty, fragile little girl. I felt like I had just been stripped naked, granted they were filthy and tattered garments that hung lifelessly from my body, but they at least had covered me. The mud was filthy but at least it hid me, this seemed so much worse. I cried out! I shrieked!! I had sounds escape my mouth that I didn't know I was capable of making, deep, deep groaning’s of the heart...<br />
<br />
And then, when I thought the pain would swallow me whole, I heard my Father's voice.<br />
<br />
"Dear One, do you hear me? That's right, calm down, I am here, it's alright my darling, I am here."<br />
<br />
His voice instantly calmed the storm within me. His chest instantly comforted me as I pressed my face into Him and His hand caressed the back of my head. I felt peace, complete and totally blissful peace as if I had somehow risen above myself, stepped out of the memory and grew 29+ years, and here I was back in today, an adult still cradled in her heavenly Father's arms, realizing for the first time I need Him now just as much as I did as a child, perhaps even more so now.<br />
I was holding onto Him like a child clutching a security blanket, afraid to let go, my knuckles had gone white. My teeth hurt and my jaw ached from how strongly I had gritted my teeth.<br />
<br />
But then, my jaw loosened...<br />
<br />
"Dear One," He whispered sweetly.<br />
<br />
Then my hands began to relax, blood started to flow properly again.<br />
<br />
"Dear One," He sang to me...<br />
<br />
My whole body began to relax and I took a slow, deep cleansing breath and pushed every single bit of evil that had only seconds ago enveloped me, out!<br />
<br />
"Dear One." I heard His sweet soft voice calling out to me as if from a dream,<br />
<br />
"Dear one." It became clearer and clearer until I knew nothing but total contentment. I breathed in and out, since so much had just been purged from me, I leaned back and breathed in the sweet fragrance of my Savior, and let Him fill me instead.<br />
<br />
When I cried out for deliverance, God showed me I needed reconciliation instead. Reconcile means to meet again, and He is never going to let me run from my past again.<br />
<br />
"A royal daughter of the Almighty King of Kings does not run about in fear like an infant.<br />
A child of the King of Kings simply rests in her Father and obeys."<br />
<br />
“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with His love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-53197624482307271702012-01-01T12:09:00.000-08:002012-01-01T12:14:32.376-08:00A New Years PrayerIt's a brand new year Lord,<br />Please breathe a breath of fresh air into me, into my life and loved ones.<br /><br />Restore what needs restoration,<br />Bind and remove that which hinders.<br /><br />Un-fetter my spirit, give me wings.<br />Teach me to rise above my circumstances.<br /><br />Cleanse what is soiled,<br />Wash away the mud and filth.<br />Heal the wounds that I carry and remove them from me completely.<br /><br />Purify my heart,<br />That I would not project my fears and failures onto others.<br /><br />Convict me where I need conviction,<br />and tenderize my heart so that I can more clearly see and have compassion for others.<br /><br />Let me love as you love,<br />Quiet my soul.<br /><br />Teach me to exude Your peace,<br />Your grace,<br />Your mercy to others...<br /><br />This is my hearts desire.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-83390054133652708082011-12-22T14:22:00.000-08:002012-01-03T03:05:10.879-08:00I choose my Destiny<span style="font-family:verdana;">I choose my destiny… Though I have often wished God would do it for me, instead I choose…<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">I am an amazingly resilient creation, fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) I can shape my future, none other of God’s creations on this earth can make that claim. I am one of his most treasured creations, fashioned in His image. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">"When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings, and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet; all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!" Psalm 8:3-9<br /><br />Even though my emotional extremes sometimes infuriate me, they are in fact quite amazing… Even though heartache can consume, love can overcome. What if I could harness this power and use all of it for God’s glory? What if I could calmly and completely control my emotions at all times, and use it all for God’s glory, His goodness. So I learn to meditate...<br /><br />He tells me to rend my heart, (Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Joel 2:13) not my garments, so I search my heart…<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">He heals… He cleanses, through weeping and groaning’s of the heart. He heals, even the deepest of hurts. My deepest, darkest caverns are but a speck of sand to Him. If I surrender them to Him completely, holding nothing back, knowing my human frailty and that circumstances are often very much out of my control, He will and He does cleanse me and make me whole. I cannot change anybody else, and the good thing is, He hasn’t ever asked me to, He is only interested in my heart... He knows the desires and intentions of my heart better than I do myself, because He fashioned me just so.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">The next step in the process of healing is to praise Him, actually the more the better, but this took some time for me to get used to doing, I have always had trouble distinguishing between bragging, and giving God praise, but not anymore…<br />“He is the one you praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.” Deuteronomy 10:21<br />So I praise Him, I praise Him for the marvelous works in my life, and I even praise Him for the things I feel I can’t bear the pain from in my life, His name is to be praised no matter what the circumstance. I praise… I sing… I hope…<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">He fills… He enters into every part of my being, that I will allow Him to. “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Revelation 3:20<br />And this isn’t just any dinner we have, no it is a banquet, it is a feast full of God’s goodness. Now I understand that He will never make me do anything I am unwilling to do, I simply have to surrender circumstances to Him completely, with no abandon, no worries, no fear, and really, it brings great peace in my heart because how long have I struggled trying to do this all on my own, worrying about finances, children, siblings, whatever. Satan loves to distract us with worry and fear, but I say no more, I am done being distracted by fear, I trade it for the peace of mind that only God can give. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3<br />“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">There is no room for fear or doubt, or worry, not even a little bit of wiggle room. It is all or nothing, because I am done being lukewarm. He is not waiting around to punish me for what I have done, He already knows. If I slip up, it is okay. If I fail, then I try again or see if God is redirecting me, it really is all that simple. Satan loves to get me worried about trying and failing, so most of the time I never even try. I have these dreams piled up inside of me because I am afraid to try and fail, and what the world will think of me if I do. Who cares! Who am I living for anyways, certainly not for this world. If I slip up, He corrects, He comforts, He heals, and He fills. He convicts me where I need to change as a loving parent corrects a child in a behavior that is harmful to them. Fear and shame are far from me now, I feel like a sparkly clean shell just washed up onto the sandy shore. Bathed, tossed, tenderized in His love.<br /><br />I am now simply done living my life for others. I serve no man. My judge is supreme and He really is the only one I am interested in getting an opinion from for how to live my life. Seriously, when I am plugged into God, I stop looking at others and judging them by projecting my fears and failures onto them. I become content with myself, which up until about a year ago was not even close to how I felt. How can I reach out to others when I am too broken to offer anything but pain? How can others see Christ’s healing power in me, when I am afraid to allow His healing power to work in me and bring healing to so much brokenness? It isn’t easy to have light pouring into the darkness, but it feels so much better once it does.<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Instead now I choose Christ, I cast all my cares on Him for his yoke is easy and his burden is light. (Matthew 11:30) I choose to let Him carry every concern for me, and I praise Him for doing so and then simply rest in the peace that He provides, knowing He has it all under control. I choose this darling Savior who came to us in a manger, a feed trough. The Son of God in all His glory, wrapped in humanity and frailty, came to us so He could claim the keys of death from Satan, to give us eternal life. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">I have believed in God as far back as I remember and accepted Him into my heart when I was 5 years old, yet these verses are somehow new to me… How does He do that, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, yet continually refreshing like a spring of water.<br /><br />God is my refuge, an ever present help in trouble. Tucked into a little harbor of safety in my heart, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Strength to start another day. Strength to try again. It is His joy that is my strength, and I pray it is yours today as well…<br /><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-13234446320534660202011-09-23T10:12:00.000-07:002011-09-23T10:42:22.681-07:00The Turn of FallRaindrops pouring down, cleansing my heart and soul.<br />Majestic mountains with their fog wrapped up around themselves like cozy warm blankets for those cool, crisp mornings.<br />Raindrops so light they are almost a constant mist dancing off of everything they land on. A splash, a dance, an encore. More come, following the first act, watering the parched earth, changing the world.<br />As Summer steps out, sweet beautiful Autumn breezes in. She saunters down the aisle, beginning the procession slowly with cooler weather, and then she takes full command and marches rapidly in as the days grow shorter. The nights grow longer, and animals ensure their homes are prepared for winter.<br />She brings peace, she brings tranquility to the land. She says "Dear flowers take a rest, you can stop blooming, I will handle this." Instead of the flowers holding their brilliant petals filled with color, the trees for once, get a chance to shine and glimmer. Warm honey golden yellows, bright oranges, blood crimson reds, all entertwined to create a twirling masterpiece of color.<br />The world seems to sigh in resignation as it reaches out to embrace Autumn, not quite content to bid the long days of Summer farewell. Come, Autumn breeze, blow through this earth, help the trees shed their leaves, a brilliant show of colors to rest in.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-51254946862685020072010-06-14T21:20:00.001-07:002010-06-14T21:22:09.631-07:00I Took a Walk...<p class="MsoNormal">I took a walk in my mind today through a field filled with wildflowers, every color, shape and soft sweetness you could ever imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I stood and listened to the meadow, and I stopped and felt the earth, resting my face against it as it seemed to breathe in and out ever so sweetly.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The earth breathed in and out and I listened to its beauty that surrounded me and let it delight my sight as I marveled in its glory.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I suddenly was a small girl again, with a dress so pretty and long, my feet were bare and my hair was long and golden as its ringlets cascaded down over my shoulders.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I sat amazed and in a trance, and the more I studied this awesome transformation and reveled in it, laughter started to bubble up.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It seems to be oozing from the earth, and floating up like bubbles and bouncing off of the branches and tops of tall firs until the air was filled with bubbles.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I felt such joy, such freedom and abandonment of self, and I started to run.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And as I ran I thought, when was the last time I ran because it was fun.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I started to hop and skip as I ran and as I did I again thought, when was the last time I hopped and skipped and ran because it was fun, and when was the last time it didn’t hurt to do so.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When did I become so very numb to all the beauty and miracles that every day surround me?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">As I ran, I started to laugh, and it bubbled and bubbled up inside of me until it spilled over and filled every single fiber of my being, I fell to the ground and laughed and cried and did so until such a spirit of contentment surrounded and covered me that I lay there in perfect peace with my maker, in perfect peace with His mighty creation, and I momentarily forgot what it was like to worry about life.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What it was like to not worry if I am a good enough mom, or a good enough wife, a good enough child of God.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Not to worry about how the next bill was going to be paid, or the cupboards filled with groceries, if I am enough for my children weak and human as I am, am I shaping them into children of God, or am I leading them farther from Him by my faults.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">There are so many lies that the enemy thrashes us with every single day our lives on this great earth, why do we listen?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>If he isn’t able to get me to worry about my circumstance, then he tries to get me thinking about all my faults and shortcomings, my physical appearance, you name it, he tries it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Satan never cares how he gets me off track, just so long as he does.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I am convinced that half the time he himself is surprised at how easy it can be.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So now I pray for peace to not only cover my heart and mind, but to keep it in Christ Jesus, that I may marvel at His goodness every day and never miss a chance to praise Him.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-46663026154710103312010-03-28T19:37:00.001-07:002010-04-06T15:21:05.751-07:00Come As You Are<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S7AUCIidFkI/AAAAAAAAAC4/_kP7EVKjpqI/s1600/PA127563.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S7AUCIidFkI/AAAAAAAAAC4/_kP7EVKjpqI/s400/PA127563.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5453881175629960770" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Verdana","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;">“Come As You Are”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Verdana","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;">The past few months, the Lord has been speaking to my heart about coming before Him just as I am, and in no other way.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So often I try and dress myself up, or try and fix things on my own so that when I come to Him, I won’t seem so incredibly awful and shabby. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I was asking the Lord the other day to show me more clearly how He felt about me, and the following is the result.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Verdana","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Verdana","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;">Come as you are, as you and you alone.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>You didn’t come into this world perfect, you didn’t come into this world filled with good thoughts, you each have wounds, broken dreams and defeated yesterdays.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So just come as you are.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I see your wounds, and I know how deep they run, but if you surrender them to me, defeated and all, I will take you under my wings as a mother hen gathers her young and I will cover you with my blessings and my protection.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When you fight against accepting my will and fight to keep your independence, you block my covering and you block my blessings.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It doesn’t mean that there won’t be pain in this world once you surrender to me. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>My child, this place you are in now, this earth won’t be forever. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It has evil within it and that evil will affect you as long as you walk on its soil.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>But when you come to me broken and bare, I clothe you and I hold you and I mend the wounds that run so very deep, I kiss them and take them away forever, if you will only let me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Will you let me kiss them away, will you accept my love?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Verdana","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;">So come as you are, bandaged and aching, open and bare.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Come as you are and rest in your Father’s arms.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>How I long to hold you, how I long to breathe my life into yours and fill every empty place you have ever had.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It is in me alone you will find completeness, and how it breaks my heart when you struggle and toil daily to make it through this harsh and broken world on your own.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Verdana","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;">So come as you are, I don’t want or expect anything more, I see the things that have happened to you and I know when you aren’t responsible.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>For the things you are responsible for, I offer forgiveness, complete and cleansing as far as the east is from the west.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Come as you are and bow your will before me, surrender your battles and surrender your victories, and I will take them and make something beautiful out of them.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Just so long as you come.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Verdana","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;">So come as you are, you are royalty, daughters and sons to the King of all Kings.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I desire to exalt you above men, I desire to lavish my love upon you, won’t you please heed my calling?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>That is me that you hear calling ever so faintly, every day, every hour, every minute.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have been trying to reach you since the day you were born. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have had a special message for your life constantly being sounded out into the music of eternity. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Won’t you listen to its sweet melody?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I will give you guidance. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I will give you confidence in who you are as my child, and in me no evil power will overcome you, but you must surrender. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>When you surrender to me, you tear down the walls that you have built around your heart that have been blocking me for so very long.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="Verdana","sans-serif"; font-family:";color:black;">So come as you are, no matter how that is, I love you forever and it is in loving kindness I have drawn you.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I created you and I have special plans for you, all you need to do is surrender.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Let go of today, surrender it to me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Let go of tomorrow, surrender it to me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>And forget yesterday, surrender it to me, the past is no place to live, and there is nothing certain in your future, you only have today.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Live in today, live in this moment, and surrender every detail of your life to me.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I promise you your life will not only be better but easier when you let me carry you.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>So come as you are, bring everything to my feet, lay it all down and be forever changed in me, just so long as you come…<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I have been waiting for so very long.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-55285562747761700072010-03-24T14:33:00.000-07:002010-03-24T21:27:40.218-07:00Little Tiny Pencil Nubs...<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S6rkLhqsZWI/AAAAAAAAACw/ZCd3p4EjVGc/s1600/P2269751.JPG"></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S6rkK2P1QDI/AAAAAAAAACo/sIazjkqMVrg/s1600/P3170052.JPG"></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "></span><div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S6qFyVn6DAI/AAAAAAAAACg/z4NhKPzwxoE/s1600/P3240557.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S6qFyVn6DAI/AAAAAAAAACg/z4NhKPzwxoE/s400/P3240557.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5452317398729886722" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><br /></span></span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Little tiny pencil nubs, oh the things that you have drawn.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">You have filled the void with color and life, taken </span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">pieces of my children’s imaginations and made them real.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">So worn down and so little is left of you, but you are beautiful to me and I will treasure you always.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I keep you in your special little bag and I pull you out to look at you every now and then to be reminded of all you have helped to create.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I marvel at your simplicity, and the wonderful drawings, that held in the hand of my little creators, you have brought to life.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I can’t help but be amazed at how this tiny little tool, held in the proper little hands, creates magic, humor, life and hope.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">There is no end to imagination, once opened up it is like a Pandora’s box, and once flowing it just keeps going.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">At some point I became too old for my imagination, in order to be like everyone else I decided it would be best to set it aside on a shelf.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">And it got all kinds of dusty.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">But now, it seems as though God has His feather duster, which is an odd picture in itself, and is cleaning it off for me and helping me to find where I have hidden it in this closet of my life.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">A few years ago I decided to listen to God and stop trying to drill letters and words into my Samuel so he would begin to finally speak, all it would do was frustrate and overwhelm him, and make us both feel horrible.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I decided to listen to what God was saying to me and started encouraging Samuel’s artwork instead of his letters and words.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Samuel has autism, and up until two months ago, you could rarely coax words out of him, but now, he has A LOT!</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Just last week he greeted a little boy for the first time, saying “Hi” and looking straight into his eyes, not common for autism.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">First time ever!</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Last night we went to get groceries at Walmart and there is a special lady there named Linda, she is a greeter, and she took a liking to our Sammy right away.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">You see people have one of three reactions when they see my son and observe his behavior and how he sounds, even though he is extremely well behaved for a child with autism, people still don’t understand his differences.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">They either have a shock of anger flash across their face, something like “how dare those parents let their child behave in such a manner!”</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">They simply are overwhelmed by him and don’t know what to do so they quickly look away.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Or they fall in love with my Sammy and decide that no matter what it takes to reach this little guy they are going to try because he is an amazing and beautiful child who deserves kindness from strangers.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">You would be amazed at how RARELY we come across the latter.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">It breaks my heart most of the time, but I have learned to ignore the people that don’t like my Sammy, I love him enough to make up for that.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Linda is a very special woman, she has a grandson who has autism, so the first time she met Sammy, and uncovered him from his Veggie Tales blanket to see who was under there, she didn’t mind when the first thing he did was reach to feel her soft skin and smell what it was like to be a Linda.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">She smiled when he did that and she knew he was trying to connect with her.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Every time we go into the store, she stops what she is doing and talks to us for as long as we want on our way in and on our way out.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Linda is an angel in my eyes, and I am crying as I write this because she has touched my heart in such an amazing way through her kindness to my child, that so many in this world choose to ignore and be put off by. </span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">What happened to us as a people and when did we stop believing in each other and the value of life?!?</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Last night he said “Hi” to Linda and he TALKED with her and repeated all the words she was saying.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">And when we were leaving, he said “Goodbye” and waved!</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I can’t tell you what it did to my heart, it seemed to start beating in a brand new way, there was such joy and such hope in that moment that maybe like the Grinch’s heart, mine “grew three sizes that day!”</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Samuel has had an explosion of language these past two months, I can talk to him and get answers from him now, and that is just the very best thing I can ever imagine.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I let go of my plan to get Sammy talking two years ago, and I encouraged the plan that God was laying out before me, to encourage Samuel’s artwork and his drawing.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">His art has come a LONG way and the difference from a picture he drew a year and a half ago and today are just amazing.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I will find a way to post the pictures on here so you can see them.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I can’t even begin to find the right words to thank God with, they fail me greatly at this moment.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I am so thankful I listened to what He was telling me Sammy needed, and realized I need to listen to Him much more on what He is telling me I need.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">Two months ago I began working on having a thankful heart and praising God for EVERY single detail and every single thing that has happened in my life, good or bad, and He has released me from years of pain in just days!!!</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">If you would like to read the article it is posted on here and it is entitled “A Merry Heart.”</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">It has all the specifics, but I can see so very clearly now as I am obedient to God and thanking Him for all that is in my life and a part of me, well He is just pouring that back out over me in blessings and it is so wonderfully and freshly overwhelming!</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">There is joy in my spirit now that I can barely contain, and I am writing once again, something I have struggled to do for years, but now I just want to pour my heart out and it happens to come through best in typed words.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">If people like it, great, if they hate it, great!</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I don’t mind if someone doesn’t like my work anymore, and there is such freedom in that.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">So Praise God, He is so amazing and so awesome!</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">I can’t wait to see what He does next!</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">These tiny little pencil nubs have literally drawn their way right into my heart, through obedience to God, He has opened limitless possibilities that only months ago seemed impossible. Hopefully now you understand why such a silly thing as little worn down nubs of pencils could hold such importance</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">.</span></span></span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;">They have done much more than just been a colorful key to open something that had been locked for so long in my life, but they have helped a little boy become more social and begin to understand a world he never could grasp until now, so to put it lightly, I am forever grateful to God...</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:Georgia, serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S6rkK2P1QDI/AAAAAAAAACo/sIazjkqMVrg/s1600/P3170052.JPG"><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S6rkK2P1QDI/AAAAAAAAACo/sIazjkqMVrg/s400/P3170052.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5452421173897150514" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 318px; " /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "></span></span></span></span></span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; ">The above is a picture Samuel drew a year and a half ago of his beloved Veggie Tales characters, Larry and Bob! You see he has trouble staying inside the lines, and I remember it was difficult for him to even draw faces. </span></span></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#0000EE;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family:Georgia, serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_OBEQza1Oa04/S6rkLhqsZWI/AAAAAAAAACw/ZCd3p4EjVGc/s400/P2269751.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5452421185552541026" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px; " /></span><div></div></span></span></span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); font-family:Georgia, serif;">This is a picture he did last month, he has moved on to drawing cartoons, and each one of the boxes has an activity in it. Jr. Asparagus was very proud of the picture he drew in the first block, then the tree that was there threw a ball and hit Jr's. hat and knocked it off. In the original drawing that he cut to use for pieces, he likes to cut them out and reenact the scenes on the table. Anyways that block that is empty had Jr. with a big knife and he was chopping down the tree. :o) In each of the other blocks the veggies are very proud of the pictures they have drawn and in the last block, he was trying to write Big Idea, something he can do now today! Such progress, so glad I let go and let God.</span></span></span></span></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1470498102005816119.post-74686151226884257092010-03-13T23:48:00.001-08:002010-03-13T23:48:57.877-08:00Little Purple Flower<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">I sat and memorized a purple blossom today, or more properly put, it mesmerized me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">I marveled in its sweet innocence, and dreamt of resting in its delicate beauty.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">Such peace and such tranquility in every tiny blossom, each cradling a fragment of light as it glistened from a tiny drop of dew, greedily soaking in the sun’s powerful rays.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">I dreamt it was dancing and twirling about, round the room again and again.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Dressed in the finest of garments, robed in purple nobility.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">Each segment holding something new, breathtakingly different from the last.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">I saw a fine lady on the floor with her skirts swaying ever so sweetly as she danced effortlessly to the silent musical anomaly.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">She is an angel of the ball, the dream of every tiny girl, she’s the gleam in their eyes from something they just thought that was either very good, or very naughty.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">She’s a rhapsody of refinement, the bareness of value.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The resolution to despair.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">Delicate grace springs forth from the tiniest seed of nothing, into stems, leaves and an explosion of the deepest lavender you ever saw.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%">Such sweetness drawn for my eyes alone to enjoy today, a simple brushstroke from my awesome Creator to let me know of His good intentions.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Thank you Father for the fragments of Your glory that you splash about creation on this temporary treasure hunt called life. <o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt;line-height:115%"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="font-size:18.0pt"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0